As I was driving to work this morning I did some thinking.  Usually if something goes wrong I go into road rage mode and nothing can satisfy me except imagining the gristly deaths of the drivers around me.  Today was different.  As I began my 3 hour trek into the San Jose area I realized I brought the thermos full of coffee my son made for me, but forgot my cup.

Usually this would spin me into a world of pissed off not normally seen in this dimension.

But today I just turned around and went back home to get the cup.  Smiled at my family and spent a couple of extra minutes and headed out.  Instead of worrying about impressing my “superiors”, I just enjoyed a flash of quality time with those I love.

Fast forward 5 minutes…

A car is traveling 15 mph on a road I normally drive at 45.  Normal reaction: Thermonuclear-detonation!

Today’s reaction:  “Wow it is a nice day.  I hope the rest of the drive is this pleasant.”

Where the fuck did this guy come from?  Oh yeah, I remember..

After listening to the BS spouted by those I work for over the last 4 months or so, I have found myself doubting the methods I use in managing the team I lead.  It seems I have started buying into the idea that what I do defines who I am.  This is a dangerous way to think since it allows ‘others’ to determine your own ‘self worth’.  I was relying on those I work for to validate what I do so I could feel good about myself.

What I should have been doing is continuing to do the right thing for my clients and my team.  I should not have worried about what other people think when I know they are wrong.

Some people say that is not appropriate since we are talking about ignoring what those I work for say.  Some people say I should suck it up and do what I am told because the nail that sticks up gets hit with a hammer.  And some people say you follow the lead of your superiors no matter what because that is loyalty.

I am not some people.  I say we need to have more people in our society questioning what we see around us every day.  I say we need to rely on our own sense of right and wrong to guide us and to speak up when we see things that don’t seem right.

I say who put this guy in front of me?  What gives him the right to lead me?  What does he believe in? What gives him the right to validate who I am and what I do?

So I started to ask myself these questions about who I work for and what I realized is the people I work for don’t lead me, they just stand in front of me.  When I ask why, the answer I usually get is because I want it done that way.

Of course it is never that direct.  We only use politically correct methods these days.  “I think that if we focus our efforts on these metrics you will get more production out of your people.  Let’s give that a try.  What do you think?”

“What do you think?”  Loaded question if I ever heard one. Usually this question follows the statement which was telling me why what I think is wrong now asking me to validate the statement which told me how stupid I have been.

Easy for me to say…

So I realized, if I really want to be the leader I think I am, I have to stop blindly following and question those in front of me, because that is what I am asking of my own team.  That is the definition of leading by example.

And one more thing, I did realize what is really important to me; my family.  You guys keep me strong.  I love all of you!!